Spanking The Monkey: The Etymology of Onanistic Euphemisms

The Distinguished Benny Hill Symposia at the prestigious Royal Society of Edinburgh is proud to present this informative, “hands-on” lecture by the renowned Oxford Professor of English Literature Richard (‘Dick’) Handler (“Hamlet and the Birth of Cancel Culture,” “Twits and Twats: a Case Study in Alliterative Vulgarities” and “The Secret Hip-hop References in Peter Rabbit”, to name but a few) on the word origins of the innumerable euphemisms for self-pleasure (self-abuse if you’re a glass half-empty type).  

Or, put another way, where on earth did all these slang words for wanking come from. Take a look around, and there are monkeys being spanked, dolphins being flogged and chickens being choked. Turn on the telly and carrots are being cuffed, bananas are being buffed, and gherkins are being jerked. Even at Sunday Roast, all Gran wants to talk about are the willies that are being whipped, the puds being pounded and the candles being bashed. 

Whether one is chugging it in Scotland, slapping the sergeant in Turkey, marinating the salmon in Norway, or flying a kite in Thailand, Professor Handler’s scholarly study of the foundations of onanistic euphemisms is guaranteed to have universal appeal because, let’s face it, we’re all wankers.

VENUE: RSE Theatre (Venue 431) Welcome West
DATES: 12th – 28th August
TIME: 18.20
TICKET PRICES: £10 and £8 conc.